Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Dear Google Translate, I would not trust you with my knife, I mean life.

Last night I had a fabulous idea. And as is common in the primary stages of the formation of many good (or possibly catastrophic) ideas, it came to me at 10 pm. The idea was this simple; GET RID OF THE HORSES. If you think I'm talking about beautiful, tall, long haired, fast running, strong, beast that graze in a field... I'm going to tell you right now, you are wrong. I'm talking about the abominable sin called "wallpaper" that has been harassing and insulting my eyes every time I walk into our reading room ever since we moved in. Picture this; a 7.5 inch high banner pasted onto the walls near the ceiling with approximately 79 strange, floating horse heads staring down at you. Almost like they are hungry or something, maybe I just imagined that, I probably did. But still, pretty freaky really. If you are wondering where I got the number "79" from…take a wild guess. Yes, I counted them... horrible, I know. I'm afraid I'll need some counseling to try to erase that memory. When an idea as wonderful as this one happens upon you, one must act immediately. Luckily I had previously purchased a long, pearly looking whitish creamy wall paper thing to put over it. Now, I'm no wall paper specialist (only incase "specialist" is referring to my ability to criticize wallpaper, and if that’s the case, I should be making money by now. But realistically, probably not, seeing how I'm not sure if it's spelled "wallpaper", "wall paper", or "wall-paper". Some specialist right? I think I'll switch it up randomly throughout this post so those of you who ARE wall-paper (or whatever) specialist might think all the misspelled versions are just typos...), but my landlord approved of the pearly looking whitish, creamy wall paper thing... so I talked my cousin into helping me for "just a couple minutes" to put it up. I felt an urgency growing within myself, the floating horse heads must be covered... even if it was (by this point) nearing towards 10:30. How difficult could it be? I asked myself naively as we looked over the small innocent looking box of German glue mix. Did I mention it was GERMAN? Just checking.. I thought I did. Anyway, I've been studying German for a little over a month now in an advanced intense course (don't you hate the sound of those two adjectives together?), so I was feeling pretty good about my ability to translate the simple directions. In my hasty confidence I had forgotten that I don't speak "Wallpaper instructions German", which is a completely different dialect then "conversational", or "business" German. I found myself and training of no use. So we immediately turned to our good friend, Google Translate. After I typed up the instructions we waited patiently for the document to load, anticipating a sure explanation of the strange pictures on the small box. I'm still a bit confused. Bewildered actually. I’m just going to paste it here for you...

Preparation of the glue. Package contents fully and rapidly with vigorous stirring tightly cold water. After 3-5 minutes beat vigorously Duch... Anger can paste stirred in about 14 days after splitting. approach operating range for roll . Respect; beachton In laufrigtung patterned wallpaper and neck. Scale wallpaper dan down roll, and cut with a Musgumiroller air balasindfrei to drunken done!

It’s that simple! Thank you Google. Cold water, beat the Duch, and Anger can paste. It's really all I need to know in life.
In case you're wondering what we did... we just poured some water in, beat the duch and then laughed like idiots (not saying that idiots laugh more than other people do... more of just a phrase. Although, it seems to me like other people laugh more than idiots, usually because they are often laughing at idiots. I’m not sure, and I still don’t know exactly which category I fit into). I'm still lost on the 14 days thing.. maybe my walls will dissolve or something minor like that. Probably not important. 

The good news is: the horses are gone. FOREVER! Well, most of them anyways. There's still a small space behind a tall book shelf that we didn't cover. But I'm just not going to tell anyone about it and no one will ever know... except for all the people that read my blog...so pretty much, I don’t need to worry about anyone ever finding out.

Some more good news is- my man got to fly right by Mount Kilimanjaro yesterday! I'm pretty sure that was the coolest thing ever, or at least, it would have been for me. I've wanted to see/climb that mountain my whole life. Luckily, he took some pictures for me! Which are, with a little imagination, almost as good as nearly sweating to death, and then nearly freezing to death while suffering from acute altitude sickness, and living off vanilla flavored protein bars. And yes, I'm still not sure who was steering the plane while he was wildly snapping away photos for me(he’s so sweet). He's a pretty talented guy though, I wouldn’t be surprised. He's really been over worked this week though. I’m worried about him. I mean, a 5 star resort, wind surfing and seeing Mount Kili. can really be exhausting. Do I sound jealous? No way, I've had a faaaaabulous week. I got to beat the duch! Haha.. Realistically, I'm super happy he's had a few minutes to actually relax, seeing how he's ALWAYS pulling 12-16 hour days, and even then, those "minutes" are smashed between long flight days...
Really? I just miss him. He's my favorite person in the world.

1 comment:

  1. Ha ha I wish I had been there for this...episode. Miss you guys!